I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
