But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
