I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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