remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
