Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I won't apologize to a one balled man
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
