Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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