i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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