Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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