Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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