I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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