Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
