Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
