I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We're too hungover to prance.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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