Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
