Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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