I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
