Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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