he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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