If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
