I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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