the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
sarcasm needs its own font
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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