Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
