Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
