I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
