I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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