I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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