Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
