I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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