Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
