genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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