I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
