it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
