thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
only you would photoshop your dick
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
