it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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