i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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