OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
