Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
