i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
