i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
