He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
