Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
