I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
