So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
