well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
