forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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