I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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