just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
