I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
