this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
