he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
