So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
