My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i just sent this text using only my big toe
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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