carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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