I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
