but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have feelings that need drinking.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
